Archive for February, 2016

Leonardo DiCaprio at the Oscars

Posted in Eggs Of History with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 29, 2016 by apeface

I recently saw The Revenant, and I now feel silly for having drawn Leo in his tux rather than his frontier garb. Leo’s come a long way since his days on growing pains. He’s gotten meatier, and he has a beard. Those are the biggest changes in Leonardo DiCaprio.

leonardo dicaprio at the Oscars

Beitiks for Senate

Posted in Eggs Of History on February 26, 2016 by apeface

My friend and frequent writing partner Mike Beitiks is running for senate. His grassroots campaign focuses mainly on climate change, since the other California senate candidates have ignored the issue. This text is hyperlinked to his website, followed by an egg of the senate hopeful.

beitiks for senate

Julia Roberts from ‘Pretty Woman’

Posted in Eggs Of History with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2016 by apeface

I’ve never seen Pretty Woman, but I can think no two people whom I’d like to see less assaying the roles of prostitute with a heart of gold and wealthy but lonely business man than Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. There should have been a graphic scene in which Julia Roberts’s character shoves a mole up Richard Gere’s butt (not having seen this movie, I don’t know for sure that this scene is not in the film. If anyone would care to comment, that’d help). After that, Julia Roberts should grow hooves.

pretty woman

Archibald Bulloch

Posted in Eggs Of History with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 22, 2016 by apeface

To live in a time when you could be named Archibald, eh? Folks with names like Archibald, and Josiah are Oedipally destined for something interesting. I’m not suggesting that if you have a more pedestrian name that you cannot do something interesting. I just think that a name like Archie helps you along the way. If you’re born short it doesn’t mean you can’t play basketball, it’s just that being tall really gets the ball rolling.

archibald bulloch

Donner Party

Posted in Eggs Of History with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2016 by apeface

Is anyone else just a little curious about what people taste like? You don’t need to lie to yourselves anymore: we all want to know. But it’s illegal. Hey, fair enough. That is why I will boldly lead the charge to legalize cannibalism. Certainly we can find some takers to this brave lifestyle choice. Our motto can be “What’s eating you?”.

donner party

Aneas Talking to the Oracle

Posted in Eggs Of History with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2016 by apeface

“Facilis descensus Avernus”, or “the descent to [the underworld]” parallels the sentiment in ACDC’s It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock and Roll). ACDC also rocked For Those About to Rock We Salute You, which is a play on “Morituri Salutamus”, or “we who are about to die salute you”. I think Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap is an homage to Homer.aneas

Antonin Scalia

Posted in Eggs Of History with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2016 by apeface

scalia